1. Don't yell at the staff. Ever.
2. Don’t tell anyone your room number. (A desk agent should point to your room number, and not announce it to the world.)
3. Don't get bent out of shape when the night desk agent asks to see your “new friend’s” identification. Additionally, do not let a hotel employee into your room if they do not have an I.D.
4. Don't blame hotel staff for stealing your stuff. My personal experience is that the guests eventually find 99% of the items that guests report stolen from their rooms. However, it is your right to ask the manager to call the police to file a police report.
5. Don’t order from room service if you notice the pages are dirty and torn. Don’t order if the menu reads “Winter Menu” when it's spring.
6. Don’t use the bathroom washcloths to take off your makeup or shine your shoes.
7. Don't throw anything in the room garbage if you don't want the hotel staff to know about it, including insulin needles (or any needle) without properly disposing of it.
8. Don’t abuse the privilege of late checkout. If you really need one past 1:00 p.m., ask for the manager.
9. Don’t leave your luggage unattended in a hotel lobby – even for a second.
10. Don't be embarrassed! Call the hotel after you’ve checked out, and they will send your forgotten sex toys. Just like they would send your baby blanket back to you. Promise